Insecurities we all have

Insecurities we all have

Authors note

English is not my first language, prepare to dance through a few mispronunciations and misspellings.

I recently got back in touch with a friend of mine, Leslie, an amazing woman that I got to know while l lived in the Pacific Northwest. We were taking acting classes together before the both of us moved down to Los Angeles, during different years, to pursue our dreams as actors. Oh boy was that a bumpy ride!! Love for the Art I say!

After many years of working towards our goal, and having side careers to make ends meet, we are still taking a crack at it. Needless to say life is still great and we have done a lot of growing since then.

The thing both Leslie and I were not counting on, was that our marriages with our significant others were going to one day shatter, out of the blue. As a matter of fact we have had countless discussions on how we both were extremely secure as women and felt on top of the world while married. Not for a minute did we think that we might face the lonely road of separation and were soon to be called divorcees. We felt bad for all the others who were out there struggling to find new love and we thanked our lucky stars that we didn’t have to run around dating, being pulled through the mud in bars and so on. It seemed horrible!

But years later the both of us got hit with a few surprises of what our husbands were made of. And let me tell you Leslie and I have similar stories to share and reminisce on. Some of them aren’t so pretty!

So basically we had found each other after a few years of silence. We looked at each other and started to laugh. It was insane that we had both come to the same destiny at the same age. We are in our early 40’s,and yet we look like we are in our 30’s (thank you genetics!), which makes dating a little easier!

We discussed with each other how hard it was to come to the realization that after so many years in a marriage, we were now standing alone on our own two feet. So many insecurities have manifested from the separation and are also a result of being in a co dependent marriage for so long. Co dependency is something many people can relate to and begin to see once they are out of the relationship.

It’s as if we became blind to who we were becoming and who we were pretending to be for the other person. Rather than staying true to ourselves and who we were when we met. The one thing I’ve learned from my long marriage, was that if my ex had been honest from the start and had shown his true colors, I could have made my decision based on his honesty. This would have given me the opportunity to either bolt or stick around, and accept him for who he was with all his faults, instead of painting an amazing picture of someone he wanted me to believe he could be, but would never become.

We had different values and outlooks on life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a difference of opinion as long as you don’t disregard each other’s opinions and put each other down because of your differences. He lied based on his insecurities and the other issue of not being able to live up to the standards he thought I had set for him.

We as individuals are all so different and we carry so many demons inside of us. Some of which are due to our upbringings or perhaps any trauma we might have endured in the past. These are the things we prefer not to show others, afraid that the other person might reject us. It is the flaws we see in our selves, that no one else seems to notice that become the issue, and often lead to obsession. We are our own worst critics.

I personally find flaws attractive; it is what makes the person unique, it’s what builds character. Every wrinkle we develop over the years has a story behind it.

Why are we so insecure? Why can’t we just own who we are and embrace our true selves?

After my marriage fell apart, I was left to raise my four children on my own. It put a lot of things in perspective for me. I started to soul search and look at who I was before I got married. Let me tell you some sides of me, I was not happy with. I wasn’t sure how to begin again, where do I go from here? Who would I lean back on when all fails?

That’s where Leslie comes in; she has been my rock throughout this time of healing; needless to say we have both been equally supportive of each other. Helping each other when we have our meltdowns or when insecurity strikes about our dates, crushes or any drama that arises with dealing with divorce and our exes.

We are each other’s voice of reason. We speak the honest truth…

I’ve always looked up to Leslie; she is the complete opposite of me, small, large chested, rounded curves, and a beautiful woman who has the most amazing personality. So happy, witty, and confident! Of course if you ask her I was the tall, sexy, blond bombshell with an accent who was the confident one! Not!!!!

It’s amazing how we look at people and immediately make assumptions based on appearances. I was as insecure as she was but we didn’t see it in each other, not until years later, both being single in our early 40’s standing on our own two feet starting over.

We were having some drinks the other night talking about our crushes and she went into panic mode! The guy that she had started to date asked her for her last name.

She freaked out and started to cry a little. I was dumbfounded and confused, “Why are you worried about him looking you up on IMDB?” I asked. (Being an actress she has some credits and pictures up there on the site …)

Her answer was simple: “He will see I used to be overweight and he’ll immediately lose interest.”

“Hey there hold up!” I said. “First off Leslie, just because you lost weight and look different today doesn’t mean you aren’t still the same girl you were back then. You were beautiful inside and out just like you are now and if he doesn’t see that then he is not worthy of you and doesn’t deserve you.” I continued.

We argued back and forth and she made up every excuse in the book as to why he would be appalled and disgusted and that he might think she’d gain that weight back again.

The truth is he did not find her disgusting at all. He finds her extremely appealing just the way she is and recognizes her intelligent persona and the beauty she radiates.

So to all of us insecure people, please just stay the way you are and embrace yourself. We are all perfectly flawed.

Life is too short to dwell on the little things.

Go out, enjoy life and surround yourself with people, who will love you for who you are.

Live a little!